When the doctor told us the news, Daniel covered his face with his palms.
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I hadn’t seen him cry like that since his father’s funeral.
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The recovery was slow. I needed help to walk, for dressing and for activities that I used to do alone.
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But my children organized without asking them.
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Daniel was coming in the morning, my eldest daughter was preparing my food, and the other son was in charge of shopping and the trips to the doctor.
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One Sunday, after almost two months, we all gathered at my house.
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The grandchildren were running through the yard, the great-grandchildren were arguing on a ball, and Sorina brought a big tray with apple pie.
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Daniel sat next to me.
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Do you know what scared me the most, Mom?
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What?
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That we could have lost you without knowing that you were sick.
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I’ve lowered my eyes.
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I didn’t want to worry you.
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I know. But next time you tell us.
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I nodded.
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After a while, I also told him about his last visit to the medical office with Robert. I haven’t hidden anything.
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The kids were surprised, but no one judged me.
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That night, after they all left, I stayed in the living room, looking at my husband’s photo.
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For twelve years I had kept that secret as a duty to him.
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Now I understood that I had no reason to be ashamed.
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Robert had been a man I loved, but he had also had desires that I did not share. I could remember him fondly without hiding the difficult things in our marriage.
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I put the photo back on the shelf and went to prepare my tea.
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Before I went to bed, Daniel called.
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Mom, are you okay?
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I am fine, my dear.
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Sure?
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I looked at the calendar on which I had written down my next medical check-up.
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Yes. And if I’m not, this time I’ll tell you.
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I heard him laughing.
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At the age of eighty, I had not brought a child into the world, as they all feared in the beginning. But I was going through an attempt that made me understand how much it matters not to hide my suffering from the people who love me.
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And the following Sunday, when the four great-grandchildren went out loudly and rushed to hug me, I knew that the family I had was more than I could ever wish for.
